I have a confession to make.

I have a confession to make: when I stay at your house, I use your shampoo. And your conditioner. And if your soap comes in a bottle that I can squirt into my hand and it smells a little fruity, I probably use that, too.

You have to hear me out. I am on a lifelong QUEST here. I’m convinced that somewhere out there is the perfect product for my hair, and all I have to do is FIND it. And I’ll know when I’ve found it, because heavenly angels will shine upon me and a chorus will soar and my locks will turn lustrous and bouncy and shine in the glow of light surrounding my blessed countenance all day long.

Because of this quest, at any given point in time I have a half dozen unfinished bottles falling all over my shower. But don't think I LIKE that. I don’t mean to be that person. It’s just that about halfway through a bottle, it becomes clear that this is Not the One. And so when I’m strolling through the drugstore, my eyes start to stray. I’m caught by a shiny new bottle, a new scent, a promise to fix whatever I feel is ailing my hair that particular day. Too limp! Too frizzy! Too dry! Too oily! Why can't I get a combination of them all?? Next thing you know, I'm completely absorbed. I’m just LOOKING, mind you. I’m not going to TOUCH anything. After all, I've got all those other bottles at home. Except...it can't hurt to pick up this one and just read the label....not because I’m going to BUY it, but because I’m curious about its ph balance. And maybe…OOOH! Is this scented with lemon verbena orange blossom bergamot with essence de pinecone?? Will those mint leaves tingle my scalp?? I love that!

Next thing you know, I’m bouncing home with a spring in my step and bottles in my bag. But that’s okay, because I NEEDED these, this could be the ONE, and besides, I was almost out of those other bottles, anyway! What am I supposed to do? Add water to them to extend their lifespan? I’m not my gramma.

And so when I climb into your shower, and I see a host of untried products, I get REALLY EXCITED. A chance to try even more! For free! With no commitment! It’s like a shampoo orgy!

In my defense, if I’m staying with you longer than a day, I probably won’t do it twice. This could be partly due to the fact that I only shower a couple times a week--and the odds of a shower day falling again while I’m with you are slim to none--but I also like to think it’s because of my integrity. In addition, I won’t use your products if they’re expensive. Because I can’t AFFORD to get attached to your Bumble & Bumble. Also I’m worried that because the bottle is so tiny, you’ll notice a dollop missing. A dollop that ounce by ounce probably comes to about 26 dollars. In the same vein, I won’t come near any product that’s Japanese, or has a cow on the label, or is by Aveda. But if you’ve got a product in the category I call Honda-level Haircare, I am POUNCING, and that's all there is to it. And yes, I run the risk of you noticing that I now smell JUST LIKE YOU, but I'm hoping you'll think that's an indication of how much we have in common.

Please don't kick me out. I love you. And there's just one more bottle I have left to try...