So many good things, all in one day: Tulsa, Oklahoma

I saw a girl I used to go to high school with at the Pioneer Woman cookbook signing last night and she TOTALLY got fat. I was going to go up to say hi to her just to show her that I DIDN'T get fat--at least, relatively speaking--but then I thought about how immature that would be, so I decided to ignore her altogether. As though I didn't SEE her. Or recognize her. Because, you know, she got fat. She looks WAY different. Especially in that round bit around her face.

She used to be a track and cross country star, super tall and skinny and snobby. I think that's why this development feels so satisfying. Kind of like this girl I knew in elementary school who was all long, glossy, flipped hair and all, 'I've been on STAR Search and I'm a CHEERLEADER and all the boys know who I AM,' and then at recess one day she kicks you off the monkey bars because they were the COOL KID monkey bars and you're NOT a Cool Kid, so you have to go use the NERD monkey bars, the small, bad ones way over there, and so you let go of the bar and drop to the ground and scuff over to the small monkey bars and feel like a tiny piece of dirt, but you HAVE to obey her because she's shinier and has lots of shiny, laughing friends and from then on every time you see her in the cafeteria glossing around, you feel your blood boiling with anger and helplessness, and then later in college you see her at the mall and she's  all fat and pushing a STROLLER, and you're finally validated because check THAT, at least you don't have a BABY at 18, you're actually in COLLEGE, and are those MATERNITY jeans? And also you get  to tell her that now she has to go play on the PREGNANT TEEN monkey bars because this set is for VIRGINS. Except you say it in a way that makes virginity sound cool. Except you actually don't say any of it, you just THINK it, but it still feels just as good, and then the rest of the day you swish around feeling like a million bucks.

Speaking of the Pioneer Woman's cookbook signing: Professor-Mama Gray and I pulled up to the Tulsa Historical Society about twenty minutes before the signing was due to begin, and the parking lot was so full we had to drive about an hour away and walk. And we had barely squeezed ourselves in to the standing-room-only space when the announcement came that all the cookbooks had sold out. Oh, yes. SOLD OUT. And there are women walking around holding STACKS of them and I was like, 'Hey! You book hogs!' even though I was 'technically' going to buy a couple myself. But despite that setback, we still got super cool free tee shirts and cupcakes and got to hear a Q & A session with Ree (we're on a first-name basis) and it was lovely. Here are Mama Gray and I wearing our shirts later and looking super-fantastic:

We also had dinner at Elmer's BBQ (motto: 'we be bad'), and honestly, it was the best bbq EVER, and just got  me more excited for Memphis with Dinana. I got the chopped pork and fried okra and it was INCREDIBLE. Check out the grease stains on the wax paper:

(taken with my phone; forgive the quality)

Elmer's ALSO smokes their own meat AND makes their own amazing bbq sauce. I KNOW. It was heaven in a basket.

I just got back from lunch with two high school friends who are now blissfully hitched with a gorgeous baby. It was wild. I love the sort of friends that you can talk to once every ten years and pick up right where you left off. It's trascendental.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get ready for tonight's Fall Festival with my nieces. According to the flyer, there will be 'CANDY AND GAMES! FREE FOOD! FACE PAINTING! AMAZING BALLOON ARTIST!' I'm going to see if this balloon artist can make me an armadillo riding a bicycle  balloon to match the armadillo riding the bicycle I'm going to have painted on my face. I LOVE FALL FESTIVALS.